it does not matter but it matters a lot.....part 2

A few months ago I wrote a post about the way in which spending time with my Dad who has dementia had caused me to reassess bits of my life.  It placed so much in perspective, work and relationships but also all the time I spend thinking about diet and training.  In many ways none of this matters....but in other ways this is so important, so vital to live and experience this world.  Take all that it has to offer.

I was with him again this weekend.  It was so good just to sit with him in his confusion.  Family is a constant for him - he recognises us and while he is not sure where or when he is, our presence calms him and gives him an anchor.  I held his hand for a couple of hours while he talked or slept, my mum holding the other.  When his eyes opened and he saw me and smiled, sighed and said "You're a good lad." I melted.  I  want to look after and protect him to carry this burden.  Yet I have to leave and return to a different world of work and worry.   In the last 2 weeks work has been unpleasant, hard.  It feels beyond me at the moment, demanding skills I don't have, resources that I cannot summon.  But the atmosphere has changed  and it is all macho posturing now, alpha males striding their territory.

The petulant anger and behaviour of people has bemused me.  When their tempers flared I just felt the pointlessness of it all.  I felt like laughing in their faces, or alternatively smacking them....I am sure I could out alpha with an elbow strike.  In a few decades none of this will matter.  When all else starts to fade, it is the simple things: a smile, a hug, a look of love that create meaning and value.

That gives me strength.  I know that I can walk away because what matters is not what they are worried about.  The key is in the smiles, the love. 

The hills remain.  Family, my love and the hills remain.  Whatever else is going on there is an escape.  And fitness facilitates all that.  If anything I can do will prevent me ending up like my Dad it is good and worthwhile.  Yet beyond that we are all going to die.  There is an end to all this.  What goes on?  What is really worthwhile?

My training

I was thinking about expanding this blog a bit so that I also recorded - sometimes - my training.  That might show how I put into practice - or try to - some of the things that I discuss here.  I really like what Keith does at Theory to Practice - thinking out loud and showing how he trains.

One of the things that's holding me back is the fact that I am about to enter a really busy few months at work so that my training will be a bit sporadic.  (Although the more busy I end up  - putting in the 12 + hour days  etc and getting more stressed - the more I reevaluate my life and just want to chuck it all in and find something less hectic.  It is hard though.  It is nice to earn good money and there is a certain amount of reward in other ways - status and  achievement.)

Another thing is that some of the stuff that I learn and try to apply is beyond training - it is diet, sleep, stress management, social life, posture etc and I'm not sure that I could or should record all that.  It would all end up a wierd mix of MovNat, HIT, balance, sleep, paleo, Esther Gokhale, Sapolsky, Krav Maga and more.....

We'll see.